"I'm going to eat you alive..."

This is Jaide Teo, my niece. I had asked her for a monstrous pose and as you can see, I got one alright. She's 4 this year, but it feels like she's been with the family for like forever. She's wacky, creative, and very sensitive. My sis Cindy says she was teary when I left for Melbourne during my last visit. She had asked me one day, "Xiao Yi (Little Aunt), why do you have to go home so fast?" Gee, she is our little treasure indeed :-)

Dreams

Have you ever felt like you are too small for a dream God put in your heart? I often do ☺ That’s when I feel like giving up, go with the flow... follow the line of least resistance. Other times I trying too hard to reach my dream, and then it seems to just slip away… much like sand falling through one’s fingers.

Yeah, I think God-given dreams are like quite like sand. You just can’t grab sand with your hands. But if you cup your hands, you might be able to hold heaps of ’em. Feel the warmth of the sun-baked soft sand, the sweet smell of the sea soaked crystals. But the moment you become mesmerized, and attempt to grab the sand… it falls right through again.

Aren’t dreams the same? I guess God-given dreams are to be held with open palms… always offered up as a sacrifice before the Giver.

Today I was reminded to hold onto my God-given dream with care, and all the time with full reverence for the One who had placed it into my palm in the first instance.

Poem - written May 2005

I choose to worship

Time after time, trial after trial
You removed everything that stood in the way
Ever so gently, yet it was still painful
Each time I hear You whisper
“Will you still love Me?”

There were times I answered with surety
“Yes, Lord – why not?”
But my voice grew softer
Time after time, trial after trial
You knew me far better
You knew what treasures I had hidden
The things I had secretly desired
Then You removed them
One by one, You took them
And each time I hear You whisper
“NOW, will You still love Me?”

I finally realized
How faint-hearted I was
My words had no value
My love was not tested
So You knew all along

Time after time, trial after trial
I am eventually convinced
I will choose to worship
You, the Lover of my soul
I will choose to follow
Lay down my desires
Yes, I will love You still

Yes, my Savior
Yes, my Lord
Yes, my Friend
Yes, my all in all

You are all I desire
You are more than enough for me

Inner Dialogue - A Random Thought

How many times do you talk to yourself everyday? I think I must be talking to myself every other second. The world on the inside is so rich, so complex - but this world gets filtered through multiple layers so that when it reaches the outer world, so little of it is left. You know what I mean? ;-)

Pinky and Lindsay

Two weeks ago, my housemate and I bought Pinky and Lindsay on impulse. The first time we let them out, they poo-ed and pee-ed all over the place. Never cleaned so much after another being before in my life... it was so funny how the bunnies slipped out from our fingers when we attempted to catch them.

So why did we name them Pinky and Lindsay? Pinky was my idea... cos the lighter colored one was just so silly and S-L-O-W. He's timid too, actually very timid. Between the two bunnies, Pinky was so much harder to tame. But both are so funny - and when we let them out, they actually hopped and ran - almost like they were doing some stunt shows - as if they were entertaining us.

And why Lindsay? Ask Hueiweun - she has so much favoritism for this darker grey bunny that I am worried that Pinky will develop a complex ;-) But Lindsay is really the brainier one... very smart, very adventurous, and adorable. Erm, ok I have my favorite too.

People say keeping pets are therapeutic. **I haven't thought about the deep stuff yet, so pets are just pets at this stage.** Even the part where you clean the pee and poo - makes me feel like I am capable of love that is somewhat unconditional too.

Check out this blog! http://www.youthnetonline.blogspot.com

My new year resolution is to blog as often as my writing urge comes! Although my urge to hit the sack is greater than my desire to write now *yawn... it's 2 am in the morning* I'd still like to direct people who are looking for a cool, happening, youth church to the following blog:

http://www.youthnetonline.blogspot.com/

Hey who says Christians must be "duh-duh, blur-blur" (translated - uncool, out-of-the-loop)? We are going hi-tech too! First step for believers to get into "cool" mode!! Way to go!!

Blogging

Heee... I finally visited my own blog again! Looks like this is turning into a year blog - where I post my blogs only once a year. **LOL** Anyway, i'm back in Singapore now have been since 8 Dec 2005. It's great to be home, but my other life is in Melbourne... my work, my friends, my own niche.

Being home has its effects - calming, restorative, contemplative. Much has happened in the past year... living on my own in Melbourne, parents' split, Alvin's passing on... and it's yet another growth path that God has projected me upon. It's been great, really. I know I am being anchored deeper with Him even as I learn to walk through the valleys of the shadow of death with my Savior and Friend. I guess that is not the hardest part yet, the toughest lesson is walk it with a deep sense of joy knowing that all will be fine... eventually :-)

Longevity

Today was a public holiday for all of Mlebourne except those working in the university. That's me. I even had to refuse an invitation to yum cha from a friend who didn't know better than to ask, thinking that I was on holiday too. During my lunch break, I turned on the Oprah show. They ran a show on people who have shed hundreds of pounds. One guy even lost 305 pounds! For that sort of effort, I thought he really deserved his prize of a $61,000 Porsche convertible that Winfrey offered.

I guess that was the last straw. The helath-consciousness of the average Melbournian had already prepped me for a regular exercise regime. Guess the Oprah show just firmed up that decision even more. So... for the first time in months (or was it years) i put on my running shoes and went for a brisk walk. Nah, not running YET... my system needs some adjustments... The years of neglect have had their toil.

My legs ached just from walking! I was just so pissed at myself. "They definitely needs training," I can hear my brain telling the legs and the heart off. To think that I had agreed to go Wilson's Prom during the Easter break - my God! - how am i to keep up with the group in this shape? Perhaps I'll have to postpone making that trip. Or step up on exercising in the next 2 weeks.